omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
