Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drake has all the answers
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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