I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Couch. On fire.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
