I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
