can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
