Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
