1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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