The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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