Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
