Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and she was petting her beer can
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
