Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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