i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He passed out mid-signature
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
