I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
