i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
