We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
