And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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