The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
