Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
