12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
