me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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