There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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