i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
