it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
