She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
