Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
