I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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