in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
