do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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