but the lizard people decide everything anyway
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
