I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
