just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
