I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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