5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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