dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
