Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
