Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
