all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
