: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
