i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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