high people should be assigned attendants
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
