Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
