I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
