I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
