Walk of Shame. In a state park.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
