I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
