whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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