I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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