His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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