just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
