The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
