so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
