how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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