i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
