everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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