why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
