so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
