i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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