I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize