yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
