At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
