he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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