she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
