Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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