took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
