Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
