I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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