I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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