Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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