i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
