Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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