Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
