i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
