Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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