Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
