Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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