I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
