She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
