Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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