I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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