Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just found puke in my bra..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
