that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
