you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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