Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
