So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
