if you like me you must not know who I am
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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