Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
