Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
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I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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