first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
