But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
