my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
