hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
