At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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