I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
