final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hippo gnu deer
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
