He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No stitches, just platelets and will power
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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