I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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